Episode Transcript: Today I want to talk about establishing your self-identity. Now this is something dear to me and a lot of people talk about this in podcasts, TED talks, books, but I'm going to go over a couple steps that have helped me and hopefully it helps you as well. The first step about self-identity and I think that we all deal with in life is being able to create momentum but then obtain momentum. It's easy to feel pretty good after a motivational talk. 00:28 You listen to something motivational you watch something motivational and it lasts for a little bit then it fades Let me go right back to an old habit establishing self-identity is something that takes work the first thing that I Immediately started doing was writing it down. I grabbed the whiteboard I started drawing out you know myself and then everything else around my life that I was able to do and or loved For an example love mixed martial arts. I talk about it all the time 00:58 I train other mixed martial artists, I apply it to functional movement and my everyday training with whoever walks in my studio. Yet, as I was competing, I didn't think of myself just as this MMA guy. I think a lot of us do. They sure a lot of the fighters do as well. And I think that's the hardest part about taking a loss in MMA is that then you don't know what stands outside of life. But they're all of life resembles what's under the lights inside of the octagon. That's the problem. 01:27 And so with me, I had to realize that it was not this end all be all that had to be, you know, taken as a risk or a gamble. If it didn't align with me being an MMA fighter, I sure as hell would not go out and paint or play chess or do something. You know, those are just funny examples. But to do anything else that didn't align with being an MMA fighter, it just I wouldn't do it. There's no purpose into it. 01:56 What this does, it gives us this underlining feeling of living paycheck to paycheck, and not like this long-term investment. But a lot of people need to see a result right then and there to even take the step going forward, and that's a huge part of it. It's like that gratification that comes really quick, it only lasts for a short period of time, and it's temporary, and then you're right back into that regular cycle. So how to break that to me was I had to write it down, and that whiteboard I would write stuff down on, 02:24 it would change all the time. The composition notebooks that I have, you know, since I was, you know, young still stack up. And I keep every single one of them because it reminds me back in those times what I was doing to make me feel good. And that's why it mattered so much. A full composition notebook, just the front page getting wrote on. That's the best thing in the world. So with this board, it reminded me that I circled my name and right in the middle of that, I wrote my name into it too. Just like me being an MMA fighter. 02:54 I had to understand that there was a huge line that I, it was like an octopus. I grabbed eight different lines and I wrote different circles in each one of them and it helped me a lot. So help me with this visualization as I'm trying to give it an analogy. I broke off a branch off of the circle that said my name. It said Grant Taylor right in the middle. Well, one of those lines equal to MMA fighter. The other one equal to someone that just loved to be able to help. I don't know what that was at the moment in time, way back when I did this, but. 03:21 It was just I wanted to be there and help serve, just be there to help others. So then I broke off another one. Man, I loved running. Although it was separate than MMA and it involved fitness. Yet I didn't run for fitness. I ran because of the mental effect that gave me afterwards. I was just free. I was able to do what I was supposed to do. The biggest thing in general was being able to navigate a system that was meant to be a better me without having to. 03:50 Risk, one of those things not coming along the way and all falling down. Then the other branch to that was being able to just be a better me, be a better son. And by that, I went right back where that line connected to the main center of Grant Taylor. So you can write a list of who you love, but where do you fall in line on that list? It has to be number one. We neglect that all the time. Yet that's why we're so anxious. That's why we live life so uncertain. 04:18 So as I wrote these things down and as I'm going down this list, I'm like, Grant can be this. Grant can be a fighter. Grant can also train and help other people. Grant can also go out on runs and do it in times where he feels overwhelmed and overstressed. Grant can be a better son just by being a better him, taking active recovery moments by being able to slow things down. See, a lot of people don't realize even when you're listening to a podcast or listening to someone speak or the narrator, most importantly in your head, it's all about the pause. 04:47 in between the sentence that makes it stick just a little bit more. And simplicity in life is the moments in between the moments in between. So as I'm going through this, your surroundings is number two. To me, your surroundings speaks of everything. You've already wrote it down. You already know what you need to do internally. But now externally, you have to be able to put your ducks in order. Meaning that if I'm going to go hang out with 05:17 and let's say I'm a big extrovert, well, if I go hang out with some stale people, I'm just gonna be honest, of yes, I feel more inclined to have a glass of 201, for sure, because I gotta be able to loosen up a little bit just so I can have a conversation with someone that presents themselves to me as stale, or just there's not really much to talk about, or someone else just, everybody understands what I mean by that one. I'm not gonna put myself in those surroundings, it will for as much as I can, but, 05:45 also by creating your surroundings to eliminate anything else that doesn't align with your character. So quotes, pictures, just the fact of that whiteboard up on that wall, literally gives you the ability to remind yourself of the things that you love about yourself. That's the whole truth. I tell clients all the time, work out the way you want to look period. 06:15 is something I can change, but I don't. So if I know that I have to change something, but I can't find really enough courage or enough resources or tools to be able to change it, I'm not, and I'm gonna try to make it fit in my lifestyle, and it never fits in your lifestyle. A lot of people find themselves stuck in addiction or stuck in a relationship or stuck with just being or feeling like shit every fucking day, and that is a failure for no reason only because they're trying to fit things that don't belong in their everyday lifestyle. 06:43 Understand that your surroundings will give you the ability to look at things and other people with perspective and not perception Which gives you the ability to make decisions differently because you think about it differently obviously, I'm not gonna Risk myself and things that I do up on that board that emulate who I am if it's Risking me hurting myself and or my internal 07:08 The ego is not the right word, but it's an internal individual sense of who I am for anybody else. Because on that list of who you love, like I said, you to come first is the ability to then love for everybody else down there. And listen to this one, and this is the truth, and I love this about the step two that I love about surroundings. When you want to be a better son, or you want to be a better daughter, mother, father, whoever, just be a better you. I take this sentence extremely seriously. 07:37 and I love it so much. Love someone so intensively that they question why. Give intention to love, and love so much that they question why. I find that people have absolutely no idea what that actual word is, or they give it a definition that is completely the opposite or very external than what it should be. 08:05 Love should be reciprocal, yes, 100%. But love also affects so much of what you give and how you think of life itself and what you give back to others. So being able to give love is being able to realize that my ego is not attached. I'm willing to do this because I love and I help. So I'm gonna do it to a point to where people will question it. But the point of the love was love is reciprocal. So many people don't realize that definition of love, but what they do find is that 08:34 When you love someone so much that they question why, you know, sadly, the first step that comes to that, you love someone so much, they become suspicious of it. And why that happens is because that true definition of love has to happen internally so you can give it externally. So if love has to be reciprocal, well, that's an external reaction for what you already want to give or almost feel like you need to give inside because you found it yourself. 09:01 So if you don't know what that is, that it's very hard to establish then what love is, that self identity comes with that self love, that ability to be able to truthfully say, I'm gonna love you so much, you're gonna question why. Obviously, because I'm not suspicious if someone else loves me the way that I care and or love for them. Because if I know myself and I understand my own manual, that's what life's about, understanding that manual to what was given to us. 09:26 that we don't know how to read and some people unfortunately go a long life with reading that and thinking that they know the words, they don't know how to read a sentence. They will only act and react and then get anxious upon their action and or obviously by that, that's their reaction for it. Anxiety, depression, all of these things don't hold a surface. So your surroundings will change by that internal and when your internal changes, your surroundings change. It's a double edged sword, but you're not getting stuck with it. That's the problem. 09:54 It's not getting into your gut and it's not stabbing you in the back. It's only meant to help you. The third one and the best one. And I believe this one to be incredible. And when I found this, I think, you know, it really did impact my life very quickly and it was something tangible I could change. But it was creating the change in others or in whatever you do. Give purpose purpose. So create a change in others. It was tangible. It was easy for me to align with that one. 10:23 Because all it takes is opening up a door for someone, smiling, reminding someone what you're trying to want to remember yourself. See, if you're trying to give yourself words of affirmation, something of respect even. You know I live, everybody listen to this podcast, you guys know I live by those three words, grind, grit, and grace. But grace, a lot of people don't align with, because grace seems as a word of though, calm, quiet, cozy. Give yourself fucking respect. Respect. 10:52 is what you need to give yourself. Respect is that word. For all these people out here that go through this, I think everybody does in this population. Anything that's conscious goes through this feeling of feeling though, am I doing enough? What does the word failure mean to me? They ask a lot of big questions that don't need an answer, so then don't ask them. What can I do to be a better me? Well, what are you going to do? Figure out the whole sentence of that and answer to that in three seconds? No, you're not. 11:22 change one thing every day, be successful for the day, you will be successful, you are successful but just by doing that. So if I need to change one thing in someone else to make them better, well I'm relearning it twice. I'm telling myself in my head, be a better son, be a better you. Well shoot, if I just go ahead and talk to my good friend that's going through some things and I tell them, put some respect on yourself, alright? Put some respect on yourself. You're going through a lot, you've been through a lot, everybody goes through a lot, everybody's been through a lot. 11:51 It's digesting it. What are you gonna do with that experience? How are you gonna take another step forward? You're gonna do it blindly? Or why don't you open up your eyes for the first time? Imagine someone blind for the first time opening up their eyes. They would have no idea what to do with the colors. They'd have no idea what to do with what they're seeing because everything else was just imaginative. It was just imaginary. So when you're able to open up your eyes for the first time, don't expect yourself to digest those answers right away. It's the same thing. If you're walking blindly, 12:21 and you have no idea that you're walking blindly, but you ask a question for your gut to answer and your internal to answer, and it's a philosophical question, you better digest it through a long period of time. Make sure you have steps that guide you towards that direction, then solving that answer right then and there. Or sure as fuck, not asking that question over and over and over again to where you're just giving yourself the reaction of being, to have anxiety and to be anxious. Everybody has the ability. 12:50 to help others, and could always be reminding themselves of the things that they love about themselves. It's easy to do that. It's easy. Life does not mean you gotta change everything to fix everything. Majority of the time, we're all lifting really heavy weight in our life, and that's what burns us out. Just like I do inside of the studio in fitness, this is what I do when I talk to people about the psychology of what you need to be. Lifting a heavy weight is what everybody has a problem with. 13:20 But if you grip it a little different, if your posture is just a little different, if your stance is a little different, well guess what, it's the same amount of weight, but it seems a lot easier. The difference is variety and life and wisdom is variety based upon comparisons. Trial and errors, things that didn't work in your life that now you know why, or you know exactly what not to do. See, those type of things in life are what give wisdom. 13:50 But listen to this, and this is the truth. If there's the biggest thing to stick out of a conversation in a short rant like this one, let it be this. And this is what hits probably the most home to me. And as I talk, these things come to mind and I spit them out like they are. I do podcasts, especially on these rants and everything live. They're not pre-recorded, they're just going live. The thing is, is that in my life, and my story alone, and whoever it may be, in my life, 14:19 I have viewed myself as this warrior. I viewed myself as this warrior. A warrior through, it's not my time right now. I have to be able to navigate my system as a warrior. I gotta take care of everybody else. A warrior on the front line is gonna die. The one with wisdom is the one that's not on the front line. I have to understand like many others, when life's going fast, you have to be able to retire the warrior. 14:48 to be able to establish the wisdom. Either die young at 40, or die underappreciated with wisdom forever. The point is that you can't do both. A warrior is going to give you the tools to realize how not to be a warrior because of what you've been through, but you've already gone through it. Don't treat it like an open wound. Being able to have the wisdom is understanding I don't have to be on the front line. 15:17 to fight for what I love and what I want changed. And when I want change and what I want that change in comes from within. So everything else around you will start to change little by little because less is more. Take a step forward. Successful for today means success for the rest of your life. You will be successful just by obtaining that one piece of success. 15:46 Everybody has the ability to keep on going. And I tell you this, that sometimes just a rant like this is a great reminder. Keep reminders around. I'm not a big one on just writing every little thing down, but I am when it comes to big bullet points. Your life is like bullet points. It's not this big, articulate, detailed, you know, let me figure out the thesis and let's go to chapter 12. It's not like this. Start a new book. Every sentence. Should be the chapter. 16:16 Give it one sentence that means so much, so much. Establish meaning and purpose to something that is only purposeful to you. That's the most beautiful part about value and self-value. I give the price tag to what holds personal to me. No one else will. Ever. And those are non-negotiables applied with the other that I will live and die by. 16:42 I'm not going to die a person that says he did so well. There were so many good things that he did in his life. I want to be able to put on that gravestone. This is not the end. This is just the beginning. There's always another day. And with that other day, there's another new book that could get started. Don't think about it as a new chapter. Throw away the book and you can have composition books and stacked up in your house for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter to me. A new book is a new ending. 17:12 A new book is where you start as a new beginning. You keep guidelines to be able to hold self-worth, be able to acquire the ability to have the resilience, to be able to have the dedication, the discipline to have and to establish your self-identity. You just found the goal to life. Self-identity. Priceless is the value. You determine the value. 17:42 no one else gives you that price tag. Let life be priceless.